"When I hit the bottle, 'cause I'm afraid to be alone."

This post is for a specific person. I'm not sure if he will read this in time, honestly. But I'm going to take a risk and hope he does.

So. To you.

I spent many, many hours debating over this with a good girlfriend of mine. Neither of us can come up with an answer.

I want you. I want what we had. I want what we are. And I'm terrified.

I'm starting to realize that a big part of my moving to Florida is because I have to, not because I want to. If you could magically be willing to be the one thing I want, I'd probably stay.

I want to be married to you, I want children with you. You were never okay with that, and it's really the only thing that pulled us apart. For what it's worth, I can honestly say you're the only one I wanted that with.

You kill me. You keep me up at night. You make me question everything I've ever believed in, and I need that. I need you, more than I can possibly explain. You held my hand tonight, and I felt that I was home. Location doesn't matter, as long as I'm with you.

I miss you so much that it hurts. I think the reason I cried on Wednesday wasn't because I was scared or tied to a door or in pain. It was because I gave everything I had in me to you. I let myself be emotionally vulnerable, I set my heart and body on a platter and simply handed it to you. That's not easy for me.

I don't know what I want from you. But I need to know where you're at. If this is just amazing "goodbye" sex to you, that's fine. If I fill a void, that's okay. If you're where I'm at, that's cool.

But I want you, I want all of you, I want to do this the right way. If you see this in time, please come talk to me.

I can't go knowing that I still love you more than the possibility of what lies before me. Just tell me which one is more important.