"C'mon, baby, don't fear the reaper."

I met a boy tonight.

Well, not really a boy. He's 29, and he used to come into my workplace all the time.

I ran into him at a bar tonight. I'm sure he was drunk, but he stayed with me for a good two hours. We have an awful lot in common, and we clicked very quickly. He said he always liked me, but couldn't get himself to say anything at work. I haven't had anyone compliment me so much in months.

We left the bar together, and we went out to the local state park. We sat in front of the lake with Pink Floyd blaring from the car, and we smoked pot.

It was relaxed, it was fun. I didn't feel like he was trying to get into my pants...he just wanted to be around someone like him for a while. We made out for a while, in between bowl hits, and took in the songs and the stars and the wind.

He looked at me and said my eyes were so beautiful, particularly in the moonlight, where they were full of something he would never be able to understand. I don't know what he saw, but it was poetic, and it felt right.

We left the lake, both of us slightly intoxicated and stoned, and he asked about my license. I told him I don't have one, but I have my permit and I know how to drive. He challenged me, pulled to the side of the road, and told me to drive.

This is the part of the story where I mention that drunk and/or stoned driving is a HORRIBLE idea. Don't do it. Ever. EVER.

I got in the front seat, adjusted, and took off. I drove for close to forty minutes, somewhere into Maryland. We played "Don't Fear the Reaper" over and over. He apologized for liking it so much, and I told him that it was amazing to find someone that could just go with things, and in the exact same manner that I do. I have a tendancy to listen to things on repeat.

We switched places after a while, and he kept playing it. I rolled my window all the way down, leaned my head out and let my arm stick out, pushing against the wind.

I've never felt more like a flower child in my life.

He kissed me when we got to my house, and let me go. He told me he'd call me, that we'd see each other this week.

I'm disappointed with my life. I'm nowhere near where I want to be. I'm not even sure where I want to be at all. I've experienced and lived through a lot of things- but something's still missing. To feel as alive and free as I did tonight almost breaks my heart. I used to be like that all the time. There is a crucial piece of me that's gone missing, and I'm tired of trying to fill it with useless things. I want the real deal.

I want to stop missing my lovers of the past, to stop wishing things would be different with any of them.

I want to be happy. And I don't think that's asking too much.