"Please don't leave, stay in bed, touch my body instead."

I've been listening to Maroon 5 for the past three days straight, and I think it's putting my sex drive into high gear. Dammit, Adam Levine, stop being such a sex god.

I slept with Sean last night. It was completely out of the blue. We met up to talk about something, and I had a great time. I went out to a different bar, ended up texting him, and next thing I know, he's on his way over.

And damn. Just damn.

He played dom, I played sub. He choked me, smacked me around, teased me mercilessly. We played with candle wax (which, believe it or not, was a first for me), and I loved it. I have bruises all over my body, and it makes me feel so good. Odd, I'm never as confident as I am when a man's left his mark on me.

It was exactly what I needed. Just a few hours to surrender control, to be totally in sync with my body, forget everything. It was fantastic. He's coming over Wednesday night after work, so we'll see what happens there.

I'm having dinner with Rob tomorrow. I texted him last week, told him I'm leaving in about two weeks and that I'd like to meet up to talk. He agreed, shockingly enough. I'm not sure how to start the conversation, and I'm scared out of my mind. I need to close that chapter in my life, so I need to know why he did what he did, where I went wrong. I can't cry myself to sleep anymore, I can't do it. I need it to end.

I have no clue what to say. "Hey, I need closure, tell me what I want to hear" isn't exactly how you open these sorts of conversations.

I hope it goes well. I'd like to leave this place with a memory of him other than me crying and begging him not to go. I somehow doubt we'll maintain any friendship for the next two weeks, but if I can go with a memory of his laugh instead of his tears, I'll be so much better off.

I hate this. I hate it so very, very much.