I'm never sure I did the right thing.
I've been drunk all weekend. I can't stop. I hurt him. I miss him.
I'm fucking guys that I don't even WANT to fuck. I'm drinking when I hear that little voice in my head saying, "STOP! Seriously."
I'm borderline alcoholic and whore right now.
I can't do this. I can't.
I was suicidal on Thursday night. It still hasn't left my mind.
Death might be better than this. At least I'd be at peace.
Rob is asleep in my bed right now. I made him come over and drink with me. He passed out before I could take advantage of him. I want him to hold me. I want him to tell me it's okay. I want to cry my eyes out.
But he's got someone else that does that to him. He's got enough problems in his own life. No one wants to hear the whiny bitch who wants to die.
But I miss Mike. So fucking much.
Seriously. I can't do this for much longer. It's going to kill me whether I want it to or not.
If ever I needed someone to hear my cry for help, this would be the time.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
2 comments:
I just stumbled upon your blog in time to read this post. I lost my brother to suicide 3 years ago. Please take a moment and think of the people who will be lost without you if you hurt yourself. Trust me, their pain NEVER goes away or gets any easier to live with. I would be more than willing to talk or chat with you if you need me. Sometimes a stranger is easier to unload on than a friend. Send me an e-mail if you like.
scottalisha@yahoo.com
Take care and be safe,
Alisha
I've been enjoying reading your blog for some time now. I recently started my own, inspired largely by you. I think you should put thoughts of self harm out of your head, and realise that you are stronger than that, and that he deserved what you gave him. You didn't say so, the law said so. You were just a passenger on that train. Talk to Alisha. I think you will come to understand what you did was right, if not now then someday.
Post a Comment