"I'm gonna Tombstone your ass."

Last night, I fell asleep smiling.



It's been a LONG TIME since I've done that. But I fell asleep genuinely happy with the night, with things in general. Hell, just thinking about it cracks me up.



Rob came over, along with Amanda's boyfriend, and Rob's friend Chad (the one that I slept with and wish I hadn't), and a girl we all worked with...let's say...Jamie. Oh, and my little sister.

So everyone shows up, and we've got a case of beer and nothing but free time. Rob decides that we should play kings, and everyone quickly splits into groups- my sister, Rob, Chad and I are at the kitchen table, ready to play; Amanda, Billy, and Jamie are chilling in the living room, talking and whatnot.

That may have been the best game of Kings I've ever played. Rob and I spent the whole game trying to get back at each other. I made him put his chin on the table for the entire game, unless I said he didn't have to, so anytime he'd make a snide comment to me, all I had to do was respond with a "Chin down", and he'd give me the evilest look. He called me a "bag of cunt" at one point, because it is ANNOYING to have to keep your chin down- especially if you have to drink.

My sister about died watching the two of us sabotage each other. Chad grew more and more uncomfortable, although I couldn't figure out why. My sister texted me during the game and said, "It's probably because he's watching you and Rob act like this with each other."

She was right.

Rob and I proceded to fight each other at the end of the game. Play fighting, don't worry. Everyone in the house cracked up as we bounced around each other, fists up, laughing our asses off.

"I'm gonna go all WWE on you," he said.
"Come on, do it, Undertaker."
"Oh, don't you worry, I'm gonna Tombstone your ass."

We grabbed each other by the wrists, got uncomfortably close, and circled each other. It was like a really tense dance, if not a standoff. I broke free and went to kick him in the face- except I was drunk and got his shoulder. We all died laughing as he yelped "OWWWWWWW", and then tackled me onto the floor. I have NO idea how we got into some of the positions we did, but we ended up back to back, on our knees, with our arms linked around each other.

"TRUCE!" he yelled, and we let go and collapsed in a giggle fit on the floor.

Chad, in the meantime, had gone to the bathroom. My sister left after we called truce, so I went over to Rob and told him that he wasn't leaving until we fucked. "Come on, it'll be awesome," I said. "That's a given," was his response. *evil grin*

I was literally saying, "Come back to my room with me now", and Chad walks in and says, "Hey, wait. Before you two go back there, I need a conference with you."

So he left Rob sitting at the table and took me into the bathroom to tell me that he couldn't stand watching me and Rob act like that. He said he felt second place, and that he'd been using me for companionship. I told him that Rob and I are friends, and we have mad sex everywhere, but that's just how I am. I don't do emotions, I don't do love, I just want to fuck and leave.

He said, "Why not me? I can do that. Why him and not me?"

Oye.

So, because I was pretty drunk, I kind of let loose. I told him, "For the exact reason that we're talking right now. I don't WANT to have to do this kind of stuff anymore. I don't want to have to talk to someone because they feel out of place, I don't want to have to TALK, PERIOD. I have no feelings about sex whatsoever, and I'm not stupid- I know you have SOME kind of feelings for me, and I am not doing it. I'm just not."

I got up and left, hugged Amanda, and sat down with Rob. He smirked at me, saying, "How did the 'conference' go?" Asshole. :)

Chad said that he was leaving, said goodbye to everyone. I followed him down the stairs to lock the door, and he about lost it. I told him I wasn't trying to hurt him, that there was nothing wrong with him- I'm just not into anything but being a whore.

He started crying.

He looked at me and said, "I just realized I've been lying to myself. I DID fall for you, and I've been denying it to myself. I'm a SCIENTIST, for God's sake, I am SMARTER than this. But you made me feel human, you really did. You're the ONLY one that's EVER made me feel human."

I hugged him and told him that he was definitely human- one of the most human people I'd ever met, actually. He cried harder and then told me not to say that kinda stuff. So I let go of him, and he left.

I felt really bad about it, I did. I'm not a bitch- I TRY to be a good person. And it is NEVER EVER fun breaking someone's heart. It's one of the worst feelings in the world. But I have to look out for ME right now. I can't just give in to someone because I don't want to feel bad. I've done that for the majority of my life, and I'm not doing it anymore.

So I went back into the house and sat with Rob. We collected beer cans and found ones that were unopened or only half empty. He sat there, giving me that LOOK...the one that meant, "Damn, you are gonna get it." I love when it does that- it drives me crazy.

I told him we had alcohol left and we HAD to finish it- that's just alcohol abuse if you don't. He gave me the look again, so I did what I felt was best; I gave the unopened beer to Jamie and the half empty one to Billy. Then I grabbed Rob by the arm and pulled him into my room.

See, everyone CAN win!

We got into my room, shut the door, and discovered that it was pitch black. I couldn't see anything, neither could he. So I felt around the darkness for him, and he narrated the entire thing. "That's my arm. That's my face. That's my neck, and my shoulders, and my chest, and my stomach..."

Then he searched for me. He found my waist, pulled me into him, and said, "I found you", and then kissed me.

I know, swoon.

We kissed deeply and passionately, and we fucked harder and intensely. I told him to fuck me in the ass, and he definitely did. I let out this scream at one point, and he was like, "Oh my god. Are you okay? Did I hurt you?!"

"Nooooo, it feels so goooodd," was the only thing I could say.

When I asked him what HE wanted, he said, "I don't care. Anything. Be creative."

So I tied his arms above his head and decided to fuck HIM in the ass. :D

It was hot, actually. I thought it would be weird, and there were moments that I wasn't sure if it was okay to be doing this, but as soon as I pulled out the vibrator and the dildo and went to town, I knew it was fine. I have NEVER heard noises like that come out of his mouth. I got sick of just sitting at the edge of the bed and ramming his ass, so I crawled on top of him and moved my body against his in time with my hand. It actually felt like I was sort of fucking him, and he kept making the best noises that I've ever heard come out of a human being's mouth.

He couldn't move his arms, but he kept reaching his mouth up to me so I could kiss him. I imagine that's what it feels like to be a man, fucking a woman. It was hot and very much like a weird dance- I had to get my hand and my body in perfect synch, I had to hold myself up while doing it, I had to kiss him while I'm trying to do all of that, AND I had to watch him to make sure I wasn't hurting him. It may very well have been one of the most erotic things I've ever experienced.

I stopped when it looked like he was hurting a little bit, and then we fucked in the lotus position (which is my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE position to do with him) until he thought he was going to to bust. He crawled on top of me, and I could feel it building in him. His breath got more shallow, and his kisses got deeper. He came, and I clung to him like I'd never have this again.


At that point, we realized we'd been fucking for over an hour and a half.

He put on his pants, and I threw on a long button-down shirt, and we went to get our cigarettes- only to find Amanda and Billy fucking. The four of us started laughing hysterically, and Amanda yelled, "Well, JESUS, it's almost IMPOSSIBLE to not get horny listening to you two!"

They finished and then we all met in the kitchen (although I have no idea why). Amanda, Billy and I were looking at a magazine on the table, and I was kind of bent over a little bit to see it. Rob walked out of my room, came up behind me and squeezed my ass, which made me jump. I guess I forgot I was only wearing a shirt, and my ass cheeks were sort of...there. :)

Amanda and Billy went to bed, and Rob decided to walk home. I went with him. It takes almost an hour to walk to his house, and we were drunk, so it was NOT fun. We stopped at my mom's house on the way there and decided to try to wake my sister up to see if she would give us a ride. Keep in mind, it's 3:30 AM.

We called, and she didn't answer, so we did the most logical thing we could think of- we threw rocks at her bedroom window.

She never woke up, and I'm kind of glad she didn't. Imagine being woken up by the sound of rocks, opening your window, and finding your very drunk older sister and her lover. It would have been absolutely hysterical.

We walked the rest of the way back, despite my contemplating sleeping on a stranger's porch swing ("You CANNOT sleep on that. It's not yours.") We parted ways, and I walked home, smiling and giggling to myself the entire time. I passed out within 10 minutes of laying down, and I couldn't stop grinning.