Grade A.

My sex life is in amazing shape.

It's been SO long since I could say that. So so so long.

Last week, Rob and I ended up having sex at his house, and then going for a drive to Wal Mart. When we left, I got that really aggravating urge to have sex...like NOW. The kind where I just wring my hands together and scream in my head. It was strange, considering I'd just had sex 20 minutes before that.

So I told him to drive to our thinking spot. It's this gorgeous spot in the middle of nowhere that overlooks a lake. We go there almost every week- sometimes we talk, sometimes we sit in silence and think, but every time, it's cool.

He didn't know what was going on. He saw me fidgeting and getting upset, and he thought I was going to have some kind of emotional breakdown. Needless to say, when he pulled into our spot, he was quite surprised when I turned to him and said, "Don't freak out. I'm going to rape you."

And I did just that. I ended up breaking several CD cases, and my knee is STILL scraped up from the seatbelt digging into me. But he didn't freak out at all, and he said he hopes I do that more often. (I definitely will, haha.)

The past 24 hours have been even more amazing. Rob picked me up at my place at 1 in the morning. We drove around the state for a while, mostly in silence. His band just finished recording their new LP, so we were listening to that.

I told him to go to our thinking spot, because I had something for him. He's fallen on some hard times lately, and he's been extremely concerned about it. His hours got cut, and his last paycheck was for 54 dollars. So I wrote him a letter and gave him $150. I ran out of the car as soon as I gave it to him, for fear that he'd try to give it back or hit me or something. :D It does make me look a little crazy, but I'm only trying to help.

I was laying in the grass, looking at the stars and listening to my iPod when I saw him walking towards me. He told me to get up, and I was like, "Well, shit."

When I got up, he grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug I think I've ever gotten in my entire life. In reality, it felt a little like he was falling apart. His shoulders were heaving like he was crying, and I was holding him more than he was hugging me. It felt good, it really did. And I know that he'll be able to at least get the recording done for the album with that money, and have some grocery money for the week.

And then there was bad news. Since his hours got cut, he's not moving into the new house anymore. He's staying with his parents. He then proposed to me that I move in there, and stay in his room. He said his parents would probably be cool with it, since it wasn't forever or anything. I told him that he shouldn't do that, that this was never his problem. He looked at me and said, "Well, I'm making it my problem."

The bastard's killing me, I swear.

We woke up this morning together, and the sex was amazing, as always. He has a fascination with my boobs, which makes me laugh. We ended up going to Taco Bell for lunch, and then walking around the state park. Then we went to Kid's Kingdom, this big playground. There were about 5 kids there already, and they left us alone for a while. He and I chased each other around and made fun of each other a lot. And then the kids came up to us and started tagging us. So, somehow, he and I got heavily involved in a game of tag with some 6 year olds.

It was so much fun, and we sat in the car when we were done, breathing really hard, and in a state of euphoria. Playing tag just made us so happy, it was wonderful.

Then it was on to band practice, which was AMAZING. The cd isn't even released yet, and I know several of the songs already. The other 2 guys are awesome, and I'm starting to look forward to going to band practice with Rob every week.

Then we drove to our thinking spot again, because I needed to think. I've been struggling with the rape lately. For some reason, when I get happy, I subconciously self sabatoge myself. So I was thinking about that, and somehow, Rob manage to coax it out of me. I hadn't told him about this before, so it was really scary for me to do. It made me put down some of my wall, which is one of the most terrifying things I can do, honestly.

But he was okay with it. When we got out of the car, he gave me a huge hug. That was amazing for me because most people avoid me after I tell them. They think I'm fragile, different. They don't want to touch me.

And when we went in the house, we had the most amazing sex I've ever had. It was a good mixture of respect for me and ignorance to the situation. He treated me the same as he always has, only with a little bit more...understanding and caring, if that makes sense. I didn't feel like he was forcing himself to do it, or that he was afraid of me.

I need to sleep. I'm really tired. So I'm going to go...and sleep peacefully, for the first time in a while.

Good night, world.