I just don't understand it. I really don't.

I don't think I ask for much.

Sex. Once a day. Even once every other day. I can live with that.

But I can't fucking get it.

Is it REALLY so god damn hard? Is it REALLY that fucking difficult to do?

And people wonder why I have self esteem issues. I want sex, which is the ONE thing that I was told that guys want all the time. That's all I want, and I can't get it. This leads me to one conclusion: I am undesirable.

Be it true or not, it is the ONLY conclusion that I can come to.

I was told I would have sex tonight. I was told, "Let's smoke this cigarette, go have sex, and then go to bed." We smoked the cigarette, went to my bedroom...and he just wanted to snuggle. He then passed out 2 minutes later.

Like, REALLY?

How can you change your mind in a whole 3 minutes?

My entire body hurts. I know I SHOULDN'T bitch, but I had sex on Friday. There was supposed to be sex Saturday night, and tonight, but somehow, that all fell through.

And now I hurt. I feel ugly, I feel fat, I feel gross, I feel miserable. I am seriously in pain because my body is craving it so bad.

I'm down to one lover, and he's not giving me enough. I don't know what to do. But I know that curling up into a ball on my couch and crying over it isn't cutting it.

It's not his fault, really. But I have no patience for this shit. Aside from straight raping him, I don't know what else to do.

I'm losing my fucking mind.