Long time, no see.

Hi, guys. I sincerely apologize for the lack of updates- I didn't have internet at my new apartment until a few days ago.

I'll start with the big news- Mike and I are no longer together. In fact, I just got back from court this morning. I'm filing for a PFA against him, and I have to testify against him in court after the whole PFA thing is over. (A PFA is Protection From Abuse, in case anyone didn't know.)

At 2 in the morning on Wednesday, he showed up at my apartment. Drunk. He started fighting with me- he'd been telling me about all these women at the bar who wanted to bang him. I didn't want to hear it, and he wasn't having that. He got violent- throwing things at me and screaming. It finally escalated when he screamed so loud he woke my roommate up, and when I pushed him down the hallway to make him leave, he shoved me into the bathroom, pushed me against the wall and began to choke me.

It took both of us, but immediately after that, my roommate and I kicked him out. We locked the door so he couldn't get in, and he stood outside of my door screaming my name for a half hour. We ignored him and went into my bedroom to talk about everything. Maybe 10 minutes later, we heard scraping on the back porch roof, and looked at my window to see Mike opening it. He'd managed to climb onto the roof and open the window in a matter of minutes, and I grabbed it as he was pushing it open so he couldn't get in any further. We called 9-1-1, and he was arrested. The cops saw him jumping off the roof and handcuffed him immediately.

So, it's been a very very rough 24 hours for me. Dealing with being so shaken up from the experience and leaving him is hard enough- having to go to court and deal with all that is making it worse. I'm an emotional wreck, and I have no idea how I'm going to get through it.


Happily, this means I can stop sneaking around with Rob and just enjoy our time together. We've been taking joy rides at 3 in the morning a lot lately. And our sex life just gets better and better- we've been having sex outside, pushing each others boundaries, and just enjoying each other. He came over to my apartment about a month ago, on the four-year-anniversary of my being raped. He was there for me, and he replaced the memories of that night with new memories of an incredible hour and a half-long session of tantric sex. In all honesty, it may have been the best sex that I've had to date. I love the irony in it, too- Rob and I were having that crazy awesome sex EXACTLY four years after I was brutally and violently raped. I'm talking down to the minute.

I also partook in a threesome. Two threesomes, actually. I spoke with my roommate (we'll call her Amanda) about having a threesome, and she was interested. Rob and I have been trying to find someone to do this with for months now, and the opportunity dropped smack into my lap. It was an absolute blast, and we did it again about two weeks later. We're planning another one at some point this week.

That was the extremely shortened version of everything that's happened. I'm absolutely spent right now- I've been in court since 9 AM, and I just got home. I'm scared about how this is turning out, and if I'm even going to have the strength to go through with it all. If this first one is denied (which I find out at 3 PM today), I can either drop the case or proceed with a hearing. If I do get it, I HAVE to go to a hearing. Mike will be at the hearing. I'm not sure if I can do it, in all honesty. It hurts so much to do this to him, although now is the time for me to be selfish. Everything's escalated so much lately that it could only get worse- and I swear, if he ever called me a "fat cunt" again...I probably would have snapped. I'm sick of being told how gross my body is, I'm sick of being called a bitch, I'm sick of being told what I can and can't eat just so he can be happy with my body.

I suppose for now I'll just enjoy what I have with Rob and live my own damn life for once.