"Is your relationship with Rob more of a friends with benefits or closer than that? Because in my opinion if both sides agree that it is a friends with benefits situation than they can sleep with other people. What do you think about it?"
To answer Alicia's questions first...Rob and I have a friends with benefits relationship. In fact, we're so sporadic with each other that I'm not even sure putting a label on it is appropriate. The unbiased, unlabeled situation is this: I live with him and his family. I sleep in his room, he sleeps on the couch. We've been friends since January, although the purpose of our meeting was for NSA sex (We met on Craig's List. He posted an ad looking for it, and I responded). We have sex...probably once or twice a week at this point. We're definitely friends, although I wouldn't call him my best friend or anything like that. We're there for each other, and we hang out like normal friends do. We get drunk together, we sit around and bullshit, all the normal things friends do.
So, yeah, if you want to be technical, we are FWBs.
To the anonymous comment....yes, Rob and I have something awesome. He's been an amazing friend, and he's done more for me in the past 3 months than some people have in years. He's a great person, and I've got absolutely nothing bad to say about him. In case you haven't noticed, though, things are a bit different between us now. I guess that happens when you live with someone, but it still sucks. He doesn't bring to me to parties with him anymore, we don't go for joyrides anymore, and I only see him for about an hour a day. I don't LIKE it like that, at all, but until things get a little different, I can't see us being any other way than this. I wish it was like it used to be- we were more lovers and friends than just roommates, but that's the way things go, I suppose.
I do agree with Alicia in that FWBs are allowed to sleep with other people.
The moral dilemma in this is that the person I slept with is Rob's friend...we'll call him Chad. Rob and Chad have been friends since they were 8. I wouldn't call them "best" friends, but they're pretty tight.
Now, I have no qualms about Rob sleeping with other women, or him letting me sleep with other men. That's awesome, and with me wanting sex as much as I do, it's honestly a necessity. The problem is that Rob and Chad are friends. I know I sure as shit wouldn't be all that thrilled if I found out Rob was banging one of my friends. Not because of a jealousy/possession issue...simply because I wouldn't feel cool with sleeping with a dude who's banged me AND one of my friends. That's just...weird to me.
I mean, MAYBE Rob doesn't care. That's highly likely...Rob isn't into monogamy, and he's very open about that. We don't discuss who we're banging with each other, but we're both smart enough to know we're not the only ones.
I brought this up with Chad on Saturday night, right before we did it again. I was smashed, and he started trying to get all up in my space again. I told him that it seemed a little weird to me, with him and Rob being friends, and that I didn't want to piss Rob off (especially since I LIVE with him and have to deal with him on a daily basis). Chad told me that he'd asked Rob about it on Friday night at the bar- he told Rob that he wanted to sleep with me, and asked him if it was okay. According to Chad, Rob's response was, "I don't care". That strikes me as something Rob would say...he's said to me, word for word, "I don't care if you sleep with someone else".
I was drunk again, so I agreed to it. The first night Chad and I did it, it lasted for over an hour. Saturday night, it was about 20 minutes, but it was better.
To my knowledge, things aren't weird between any of us. I don't know if Rob knows what happened or not, and I don't plan on saying anything to him. I still need to sort out in my head if I'm okay with this or not...although, honestly, my hormones are probably going to take over any rational thought that I have anyway, so why bother?
So I'll ask you guys- Given the situation, is it or is it not okay for me to do what I did? Check out the poll on the right hand side of the page, at the top, or just shoot me a comment if you want to sound off.
Posts
"Nononono! Don't don't don't! Don't screw it up with Rob. Don't sleep with him again. Having the sex with him when you need it is one thing, but you and Rob have something really really good, and it's worth riding out any frustration from not having sex if it means keeping that safe. Don't let the guy cajoule you into doing it again!"