I'm starting to go a little bit insane. I'm getting sex once a week, which is just bad news for me.
I understand why. Because of this blood clot, I had to go off of my birth control. I won't be able to get into my doctors to get the hormone free IUD for almost another month. Mike's worried about that, and he doesn't like using condoms, so we only do it once a week. He does use a condom that one time every week, but neither of us like it much.
My insides feel like they're going to rupture and come out of my head.
This also worries me because he may be running around with other women. You know the old saying, "If you can't give it to them, they'll get it from somewhere else"? Yeah, that's about how I'm feeling.
I mean, maybe he's not. He works a lot, and he has to stay in Maryland for that. It would be ridiculous for me to ask him to come home every night just so that I can feel secure.
But I WANT to be giving him everything he wants. I want nothing MORE than to do that. I think I'd be a lot happier, too.
And it's even more difficult because I'm not allowed to sleep with anyone else. He's specifically told me not to, and I agreed to it. (Mostly because I was satisfied with our sexual relationship at the time.) Now, I'm starting to question the whole thing. How come HE can do what he wants, but I can't? If I'm not getting what I need from him, why wouldn't I be allowed to look elsewhere for it?
I'm not trying to make him look bad. That's not what this is about. Honestly, even though he has the option to sleep with other women, he doesn't. It's a very rare occurance.
It's just the PRINCIPAL of the thing. It's unfair, and it's a little hurtful. Especially seeing as I have offers, and I sure as hell could use them right now.
I know I have to talk about it with him, but how do you talk about something like that with someone who's stubborn and dead set in his ways? I don't think anything would change because of it, and in reality, we'd probably just get in a fight. Even one of my friends told me that if I did it, I should just "be aware of the backlash".
And WHY is sex always the biggest priority in my life? I swear, it's not fun. This whole thing is NOTHING that it's cracked up to be.
If you ever consider dating or fucking a nympho for more than one night, I would highly suggest that you run the other way.
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2 comments:
I definitely feel your pain Double standards suck. If he has the right to sleep with other people, then so do you. If he really won't talk to you about your needs and feelings, is he right for you?
Speaking of sucking, oral sex poses no risk of pregnancy. Why not consider that? If fellatio and cunnilingus aren't your thing, handjobs are a very rewarding if unjustly-maligned sexual activity. The point I'm making is that if traditional intercourse isn't an option, there are alternatives, all of which beat the living crap out of frustration. There are web sites and books which discuss "outercourse". Scarleteen.com is just one of them; even though it's geared to high school/college-age people, it still contains some valuable info. Goodvibes.com is probably another good resource, to say nothing of Bettydodson.com.
Sex is a high priority in my own life as well. It doesn't necessarily make us "nymphomaniacs" or "sluts", any more than liking music makes us freaks of another sort. We all have different needs. As long as you are doing it because you like it, there probably is no problem. OTOH, if you sense that there might be issues here, be sure and hash them out with a therapist who's *sex-positive*. There are quite a few moralists out there masquerading as therapists, or well-meaning therapists with hang-ups of their own.
And, without meaning to discount your very real concerns, even though once-a-week sex might seem unsatisfying, consider that there are people out here who have gone weeks, months or even *years* without getting laid (I myself just broke a rather long dry spell).
Wait if he asked you to be with him only then you have every right to ask the same of him. Trust is the number one thing that can make of break a relationship.
I have been with the same woman now for almost 10 years and trust her more than anyone I have ever trusted. Not to mention she is the best lay I have ever had too ;)
I did have another that was a runner up in the best sex award but I did not trust her and that was a HUGE turn off!
Nempho make for great blogging material though :D
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